lifes a bitch. So am i .

What happened today was something i am going to regret all my life. and yet.. i just don't know what to do.
Their all i have, and maybe for the happiness of one i have to loose another. i just don't know.
I'm completely devastated. It was like, when i lost my love. more than two years ago. When i had to pretend to hate, pretend to be angry, pretend to be rude, just so i know in a while i can see the other smile.
even though it leaves me completely destroyed. I know that i will see you smile in a few days, just like him
This was the hardest thing i'v ever done.
but maybe to make some smile, you have to make some frown.
Hardest shit ever.
and somehow when you can't smoke and your out of spirit. all you want to do is die.
at least i do.
i don't know what i should do.
im just randomly rambling.

you still mean so much to me.
but i guess you'l never know.

i want to still be your babe.
but i can't.
and im sorry

you don't have to be the settler anymore.
your free.

you deserve better.






forever yours ( in my heart)
Runaway Rockstar

Forever and ever

When your life revolves around certain people, before you notice their all you care about. 

Friends i have many, ones i call my heart, few. 

Since my identity is still behind the screen, i will not reveal names. 

My life revolves around, say about 5 people. 

now if you ask my who is more important, i'd choose 3. but leave that. 

Last night, i receive a text message from one of my hearts (that is what i will call them further more) 

he mentions something about cancer in him. and that set me off. 

Now, i talk a lot about death and shit. Im not scared of it, nor do i care much. But the death of a friend, family, acquaintance does scare me. specially the death of one of my hearts. 

I have been knows for my unorthodox ways and frankly odd methods. but that doesn't fucking bother me. 

anyway. 

now cancer is something i don't like talking about.

This is quiet an random post. i guess im just a little 'mind fucked' at the moment. what i really want now, is a fucking fag and a bottle of JD. 

forever theirs. 

runaway rockstar